A suave, sophisticated showman like you, Bert? Waldorf: Well, they're gonna keep on doing it till they get it right. Scooter: Shield's and Yarnell. The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. Rowlf: My own mother turns down her hearing aid when I sing this song. Kermit the Frog: Oh, er, Piggy. Miss Piggy: Or if we ever got one honest laugh? Snappy patter and jokes, he knows what pleases the folks. Remember, friends, whenever big news breaks, you certainly won't hear it here. I can see everything. That's final, period, end of report! Statler: I wish Gene Kelly would *drive* you to Charleston. Kermit the Frog: Piggy, have you been planting items about us in the gossip papers again? Connie Stevens: Well thank you, Kermit, I had a ball. Photo detail for Muppet Show Cast : Waldorf: [waking up] Who's a fool? Scooter: Hey boss, Muppy and I wanted to talk to you about the act we're doing on the show tonight. The Muppet Show Quotes. Fozzie Bear: Yeah. Waldorf: That's one of the reasons I always thought the Muppets are weird. Mr. Oblong, whom state officials say is not playing with a full deck, says that he will not disclose the whereabouts of the state of New York, but does say it has enough food and water to last for ten more days. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: There. [they both laugh]. Statler: It's the first time we've had to wait for it to get tacky. [picks up another paper] In other news, a black-and-yellow-striped mackerel was elected king this morning and... [stops and looks perplexed; Bruno runs up] Huh? Gonzo fiddles while George Burns. Scooter: Elke Sommer. Zoot: Forgive me, Charlie Parker, wherever you are. Fraggle Rock, Creature Shop and similar likenesses are copyright of The Jim Henson Company. Eric Jacobson has performed the character since then. Statler: [responding to the Muppets performing "Cotton Fields"] I can remember when cotton was king. Fozzie Bear has a plan to get back at Statler and Waldorf when he does his act, but is crushed when he's replaced by Bruce Forsyth. [Fozzie and Floyd are having a laugh at Gonzo's expense]. Floyd: Aw, you couldn't get a long enough chain! Stars: Jim Henson, Frank Oz, Jerry Nelson, Richard Hunt, Dave Goelz. Could I ask a great big favour? Waldorf: In your opinion maybe, but more than 2,000 people attended his final performance. [suddenly, the phone on his desk rings and he answers it as the lamb bleats loudly]. Miss Piggy: I can't captain the Swinetrek looking like this, though I am kind of cute. Waldorf: You know, this show is beginning to roll. Waldorf: You should see his sister James Fenimore. This is the Musical Moment for this week. Waldorf: It's either this show or indigestion. Tonight, I'm going to use your assistance. Miss Piggy: Kermit, my love, I am so sorry about my little temper tantrum. I'm going home. Swedish Chef: So, de beency bouncy burger, eh? Kermit: And now I want you to close your eyes and think of exotic Greek dancers, because if you open them you'll see this. Votes: 6 Jim Henson Statler: [to audience] Why do *you* watch it? Isn’t that that cute little children’s show with puppets?” “Who am I? Statler: The legend of Robin Hood will never die. Waldorf: I wish Gene Kelly would teach me the Charleston. Well, how do you tell a guy like that that his work with the sticks is *down*? It was the roughest town in the west. Statler: Finally, we've seen them do a good show. A Muppet Likeness of yourself. Henson’s career had always been geared toward family and adult audiences and suddenly he was labeled the number one performer for kids. Statler: You know, the older I get, the more I appreciate good music. Muppets: [singing] It was in Vaudeville and he was on the bill with all the singers, dancers, acrobats and clowns. Guy in theater: Then bring on the girl comic! Kermit the Frog: Leggies and genglefins, welcun again to tie Mupple Shocks. Fifteen seconds to curtain Miss Peters. Fozzie Bear: Hey, we were so poor, I was born at home. Link? Kermit: I-In fact, that was Rudolf Nureyev. Kermit the Frog: Well, let's sing the sappy song! The Muppet Show quotes 172 total quotes. The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. James Coburn: [Animal enters, flinging a squid he attacked from the first act off him, and breaking a chair around his neck] What do you call this - the Easter bunny? [Picks up] Muppet Show backstage. Statler: [looking into camera] That was weird! Scooter: The only one of us who'd fit in that iron suit. Kermit the Frog: OK, well, we've done a lot for the music-lovers on the show, so it's time we did something for the music-haters. Kermit: Oh, yeah, yeah I suppose it was. Civilization: Zero. They can put a man on the moon... Statler: Yeah, but they can't put a moon on a man! You can do an act. The cast of performers over the course of the series consisted of Henson, Frank Oz, Jerry Nelson, Richard Hunt, Dave Goelz, Steve Whitmire, Fran Brill, Eren Ozker, Louise Gold, Kathryn Mullen, Karen Prell, Brian Muehl, Bob Payne, and John Lovelady. Kermit the Frog: You pay him by the line? Rowlf: And that's how it was the day Kid Fozzie came to town. Sam the Eagle: A pleasure talking to you, sir. Kermit: And now a man who needs no introduction, so what am I doing out here? Ernie: Oh, Bert. Kermit: Yes, Gonzo, but I can give you my ear for a moment. I will not stand for it! [Kermit nods again] Kermie, you are out of your little green mind! Maybe somebody must have broken their ig. Statler: [sitting in an alley outside the theater] I tell you, it's almost as bad out here as it is inside. Kermit: Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Muppet Show! Kermit the Frog: Certainly. Waldorf: No, we look more like something from the Stone Age! [Kermit sips from a glass of milk, the level of which drops steadily]. My whole life is flashing before my eyes. Look. Fozzie Bear: Hey, Kermit wants me to do the next introduction. The cheeses are reported to be smelly and often in the company of crackers. I think I see why. Waldorf: Wow! The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. Muppets are little, tiny things. No, no, don't tell me. Miss Piggy: [incredulous] Surprise? Waldorf: Yes, the frog is certainly taking a beating on this show. Hey, hey, folks, this is a story you gotta love to hear! Rowlf: When you get shot by a pickle in close range, do you get garlic burns? Floyd: Man to man? Statler, Waldorf: [startled] No, we didn't! Scooter: Yeah, it's great. Our newsroom has been flooded with calls today reporting that furniture all over town has been turning into monsters. Kermit: Well, that wasn't exactly an abject apology. Wait a minute, wait a minute, it's my number! The will of the late Mary Cramble, which has been bitterly contested by her son, Charles, and her cat, Cutie Pie, was settled today. Edgar Bergen: Well, then probably I'm not here today. Kermit the Frog and his fellow Muppets put on a vaudeville show at their theatre, bringing in a famous celebrity to help out for each episode. Kermit the Frog: Ladies and gentlemen. Waldorf: Where were you when the lights went out? We can, uh... We can go back to where YOU were born: the sty. Statler: Oh, no wonder! This is a great chance for you. Lou Rawls: Well, let me ask you this: you see I've got this long road trip coming up, and I'm short a drummer. [an explosion with bright light comes through the phone's mike]. Fozzie Bear: Say, a funny thing to me on the way to the theater. Kermit the Frog: Really? Kermit the Frog: But you're going to go out and make movies. Scooter: Gee, my uncle who owns the theatre thought of this act. Statler: You know I never liked this show's theme music. Fozzie Bear: In our house, we use paper plates, and every night after dinner, my wife erases the dishes. Waldorf: I loved it. You meet a frog without a sense of humor and you're looking at a green lump. Mine cost fifty cents. [a woodpecker starts pecking Fozzie's head]. C-3PO: She doesn't look like the Princess to me. When you hear me say the word "hear", you will rush up to me and say, "Good grief! I guess. See, because Fozzie Bear is helping me plan tonight's show, and he was the one that wanted the band to play "Lullaby of Birdland.'' Fozzie Bear: I don't know either but it's right behind you! Sam the Eagle: Yes. [above them, a loud whistling noise sounds, they follow it by glancing above them and to their side when something is heard crashing to the floor]. 2. Why isn't the bear running things around here? The Great Gonzo: Thank you. You miss the companionship of a beautiful gorgeous female. Rowlf: Wow, you were really the entertainer, weren't you? Dr. Teeth: Oh yeah? [Kermit bites his neck] AHHHHH! [suddenly, the man's cabinet comes to life, growing angry eyes and teeth and comes at him, growling]. watch 01:20. 417 likes. Waldorf: Jean-Pierre has recorded an album of Frank Sinatra's hits on the flute! Kermit the Frog: Um... Leggies and genglefins. I bought a scale that lies! [suddenly, a whole slew of bats surround the balcony]. Waldorf: Pay up, they made it through another one. Then you pour honey over yourself, and you hold your breath for about an hour or so. Statler: Seriously, what did you think of Miss Mousey? It has been reported just moments ago that a large heavy object was dropped from the ceiling. Miss Piggy and C3P0: C3P0: She doesn't look like the princess to me. Kermit the Frog: What's there to like, Gonzo? [suddenly, the Newsman's clothes turn into a bunch of clucking chickens], [Robin's Frog Scout troop are up in Waldorf and Statler's theater box]. A man of dignity. Statler: The Rockettes. You're the only one of us with real gallantry. The Muppet Show; The Three Stooges; TV Theme Songs; Voicemail Greetings; Uncategorized Sound Files; Return to TV Shows. In fact it's over. We appear to have landed on some sort of comedy-variety show planet... Luke Skywalker, C-3PO: [with Piggy, Link, and Strangepork] Oh, no, Derth Nader! The Great Gonzo: And now... classical music meets seafood! Kermit the Frog: When you say the word "hear"? I've just figured out your style. Juliet Prowse: Well, thank you Kermit. Hawaiin Pig: Hey, Hawaiians aren't dumb. Always remember: square is beautiful. A charter flight carrying the London Symphony Orchestra has been forced to jettison some of the musical instruments. [looks at camera] Who? Miss Piggy: Oh, this isn't going to be a Great Dane joke, is it? Kermit: You're lucky. At last, your family can be protected from the heartbreak of gorilla invasion. [Gonzo has gotten over his crush on Miss Piggy]. Kermit the Frog: What a dumb dog! "With a few exceptions, the characters on this program are weird and peculiar and not to be trusted. They may hear you! Fozzie: Gonzo, I know the guest star's name is Nancy Walker. Wait a minute! Statler: you old foll 1. Gonzo: [with cow in hat] Wanna go to a movie or grab a steak? Why don't you work on it? Scooter: You know how you're planning to do the jousting scene from Camelot? [looks up] Mallarditis? I am the upholder of decency and dignity for this show. Fozzie: Ugh! Statler: [Statler and Waldorf are in prison uniforms in a cell in the balcony] How long are we here for? That was a sweet number. Gonzo: How should I know? A special court has ruled Charles as the sole heir, and he will be rewarded the entire estate: 10,000 rubber mice. Dr. William Edgar of Chicago, Illinois, reports he has found a method of synthesizing Italian dinners out of wool. Juliet Prowse: Oh yeah, we'll what are some of your dreams? "I'll be singing opera until the cows come home," she said today in a... [suddenly, he gets startled by the sounds of a herd of mooing cows as they stampede through the newsroom and trample him]. Kermit: Of course. Gonzo: As long as I'm here, I'd like to donate my body to science. Fozzie: The bear is the worst thing she's ever seen in this theatre? [speaking, soulfully] Now the curtain is going up. Jan 15, 2015 - This Pin was discovered by Rosemarie. Waldorf: Darn, I'd better get some new batteries for my hearing aid. HI-YA! Mr. Thomas Gally... or Galley... spent the last 27 months teaching his pet chicken to dance classical ballet. Rowlf: You were better off leaving the stage. Kermit the Frog: Hey listen, it's another great show folks. Kermit the Frog: Floyd, Floyd, it's time to do "Lullaby of Birdland.". My only sunshine. [Thick white smoke comes out of the phone], Kermit: [Towards the camera] I think this is what's called a running gag. Take my word for it. Kermit: [Towards the camera] I think this is what's called a running gag. Kermit the Frog: Ad lib it? On Wall Street today, commodity experts were amazed as beef fell dramatically. Edgar Bergen: You'll have to excuse Mortimer. Janice: To donate your body, don't you have to be dead? The Newsman: Here's a Muppet news bulletin! You ain't got no guns. I remember Nancy Walker. [He is run over by the Vet's Hospital cast]. How come? “If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.”. Announcer: All right, then, don't; see if I care. All Seasons Season 1 . 20 Jan. 2021. Kermit the Frog: Am I laying it on a little too sick? Kermit the Frog: You know that number you did was just beautiful Juliet. Fozzie Bear: Okay. Fifteen seconds to curtain, Shields and Yarnell. [shoots his pickles like a gun]. Statler: I wonder what the Swedish Chef has up his sleeve today. For the first time in my life, no-one will make jokes about how short I am. Oops, I'm on stage. Scooter: [Alice Coper is in his dressing room surrounded by a group of demonic-looking characters] Uh, sir? The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. Kermit! Kermit: I've seen cheeseburgers funnier then that. Tonight, we have an internationally acclaimed actress, singer, dancer, and one of the sexiest ladies alive! The Robert Redford of frogdom. Fozzie: Oh, you can't stop the old Fozzie tonight! There he is: the Fastest Gerkin in the West. Unfortunately, Mrs. Galley didn't wish to move to Denmark, so she fricasseed the ballerina for lunch. Kermit the Frog: Now, there is no such thing as a phantom. Dr. Teeth: Yeah, well, if this chain breaks, you're gonna be a sore winner. Big Bird: Oh, you do acrobatics, too. Leslie Uggams: I give him the straight lines, and he gives me the fish lines. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Put on the Snorers' Chorus instead. As a fitting tribute to her brave husband, Mrs. Cosgrove announced that for the next ten days, she will fly him at half-mast. Sesame Street would not be the same place without him 2. My nerves are shot! Floyd Pepper: Yeah. Kermit: [suddenly runs in] Aha! All Seasons Season 1 . Kermit: Well, that's part of the fun. Floyd Pepper: Ah, yeah, my bear. Sam the American Eagle: You mean it isn't an Italian soup? Kermit the Frog: And our spegial guest stap is the amazing Hapry Bela... That's Harry Belafonte, folks. Hilda: I say that bear is the worst thing I have ever seen in this theatre. That's the silliest thing I ever... [suddenly, his head turns into that of a duck] Quack. The Muppet Show Quotes / Memes. Miss Piggy: What would you come back as next time? I bought one and George bought one, where were you? You're in love with a frog? [looks up] That's a ridiculous story. At my age, I have to hold on to something. His goal: to break the world's record in flagpole sitting. Didn't sound that way to me. Explore 72 Muppet Quotes (page 2) by authors including Orson Welles, Amy Adams, and Ricky Gervais at BrainyQuote. Nigel: Okay, Zoot, it's time for your solo. It's kept a complete and absolute mystery. Fozzie: Teddy bear? [At that the Muppet Newsman runs by towards the stage] Fozzie: [Pointing at him] No, THAT'S what's called a running gag. Kermit the Frog: Hey Fozzie, where are you going? Don't say anything about this. Statler: Yes, it was good. Waldorf: That's the problem. Hey, it's terrific! Quotes.net. I was raised by a dad who has a fantastic sense of humor who raised me on 'The Muppet Show,' Steve Martin movies, and Woody Allen's standup, and he really encouraged me to ham it up from an early age. Director (s): James Frawley. Statler: I know what's wrong with this show. Waldorf: [as he and Statler watch something on a TV in their balcony seats] What's the name of this movie? I'm going to call my lawyer! Fozzie Bear: The other "hear"! Kermit the Frog: Ladies and gentleman. Loretta Swit: Oh, now, Kermit, you know how important Miss Piggy is to this show. Muppet Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. The Loop (TV) Do you like this video? Statler: Beats sitting around watching television. Kermit the Frog: Well, it sounds says the frog displaying his artistic judgment: sappy. The Loop (TV) Do you like this video? Waldorf: Oh, I've been there before. Come over here, Bert! He's eating a tire! The Newsman: And now this Muppet News Flash! That best offer Sweetums have all week. Miss Piggy: [suddenly angry] It's the mouse you gotta hate! Kermit the Frog: Hey, Fozzie. Gonzo: So what? Posted by on September 10, 2017. Statler: You know, when I see that Judy Collins, I'm glad I left my wife. Flower Eating Monster: Thanks. Waldorf: [robotic voice] No, I didn't... No, I didn't... Fozzie Bear: A lot of these folks want to see me! Fozzie Bear: Heeey, you know that the bear is funny. Roger Moore: Kermit, is it always like this on the show? Hey, Miss Piggy - Miss Piggy, is Elton John okay? This is a stick down. Miss Piggy: [Kermit just shouted at Piggy that he is firing her] You're not kidding? The Muppet Show Quotes 34250. The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! Like the song we're going to do next; I discovered that song in Africa. Mrs. Lola Thomas of that city has just finished eating an entire diesel tractor. Statler: Well, she fell into a box of birdseed just before going on stage and she was pecked to death by the parakeet! Fozzie Bear: Please, take my wife! Miss Piggy: Holy Guacamole! Fleet Scribbler: Aha. The Newsman: And now for this Muppet news flash. The Great Gonzo: But he's a nice bear. Muppet Show backstage. I fool him every time! Waldorf: [looking down from the balcony] He shouldn't have jumped. Fozzie Bear: Kermit, your timing must be off. What does it take to become a great boomerang-fish thrower? [Answers] Muppet Show backstage. Sgt. Wanda: [screaming] Help, there's a phantom in the dressing room! And the question is, do I know who you are, do you know who I am, do we care about each other? [Miss Piggy karate-chops Gonzo, then holds up one fist in the air]. Mildred: And he calls himself a world traveler? Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. [suddenly, a bunch of silverware rains down on the desk]. Miss Piggy: You don't make it easy, Frog! There's a toad loose in the theater. [the "Good grief, the comedian's a bear" routine continued]. Please! Milton Berle: You know, most people don't know that there are words to that song. Wayne: Kermit, this is an ultimatum. The band has asked me to have a word with you. With the discovery of gold, local residents are expecting a full... [suddenly, the dynamite explodes, destroying the desk]. Then you wrap your head in a number-ten-size brown paper bag. Five hundred pairs of pants! Connie Stevens: You know something? Statler: [seeing Waldorf asleep] Wake up! Archaeologists today discovered an ancient tomb more than 5,000 years old in the Nungal Valley. Statler: [Statler and Waldorf are dressed as Tweedledee and Tweedledum] What's that noise? Waldorf: Yep. Hideously deformed is right! Waldorf: [responding to the pigs doing "That's Entertainment"] Hey, I didn't know pigs could do that! Narrator: It's time once again for Veterinarian's Hospital. Robin the Frog: Can we stay here while we work on our next merit badge? Miss Piggy: Angry? The phenomenon does seem to relate to the cost of living increase during the past month. Dr. Teeth: They're making the rats wear neckties. I'll never forget her closing night at the Palace. Anyhow, gestation periods. Most of them seem to be moving about on foot, but some cheeses naturally are in wheels. Uncle Deadly: [holding Kermit by the throat and shaking him] I swore I would never perform here again, nor would anyone else. Over its 40 years, Muppets on 'Sesame Street' have addressed AIDS, divorce, a parent's deployment overseas, and a death in the family. The Newsman: Scientists throughout the city confirmed that such an occurrence would be impossible. Miss Piggy: ...why don't we just kissy-poo and make up, my darling? The waiter got the change and the hotel got the rest! Bert: Oh, sure, sure. Statler: Well, I've seen a lot of versions of Robin Hood, but none to match this one. A former circus daredevil, who billed himself as Boffo the Human Cannonball, fired himself out of a cannon yesterday into a crowd of holiday shoppers. I was in a country called Guinea; and I went deep into the interior of the country and in a little village, I met with a storyteller. Kermit the Frog: I told Gonzo to dress in the alley! That was a low and dirty trick, setting up a date with me and Gonzo. [karate-chops Gonzo on the nose, twisting it into his mouth], [the Swedish Chef had tried to put a lobster in a pot, only for it to be saved by a bunch of gun-toting lobster banditos]. Muppet (71 quotes) When The Muppet Show ended, we all sat around and said, what kind of television show would we like to do. Kermit: "And now I want you to close your eyes and think of exotic Greek dancers, because if you open them you'll see this." Bert: Well, I mean, I feel funny being here, this is a big TV variety show, you know? When Mr. Nureyev arrives, we must be dignified, we must be respectful. Y está PERFECTO Creo que todas, o en todo caso muchas de nosotras, alguna vez hemos querido cambiar o como dicen “mejorar” algo de nuestro aspecto físico: si no es el peso, entonces el tamaño de mi busto…el de mi trasero, mi nariz, mis dientes, mis ojos…………………….Hasta que para muchas también llega el día en que te miras y dices “oye qué lindaaaa!!! Gonzo: [running up and hugging Miss Piggy] You drive ME crazy, Miss Piggy! The Great Gonzo: Thank you. Then you mean you really want me to stay? Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 View Quote. Sgt. Fozzie: [talking to guy in the theater audience] You don't want them interrupting my act, right? I'm one rare bear! THANK YOU!! Scooter: He wants you to know he wants his own dressing room and star billing. [she karate-chops him]. [an orchestra conductor walks up, holding a baton, his hair messed up and his body shaking; the Newsman sees him]. The Newsman: This lamb is one of a new kind of sheep that has been bred to hunt wolves and is extremely dangerous. Watch this. Yeah, that way you leave nothing to chance! Fozzie, don't forget her name this time. Waldorf: [responding to Paul Williams doing "Old Fashioned Love Song"] He's a credit to his race. Rowlf: How come you didn't use me in the montage? Can we please stop coming now? They're taking about me. Ernie: And here he is now, that suave and sophisticated showman. Statler: So they blew up half the theater. Fozzie: And I'll need a bigger dressing room, and a limousine... Kermit the Frog: Will you get out of here, Fozzie! Bernadette Peters: Suddenly I'm not hungry. I just don't want to go. And now to Washington DC, for a direct call on our hot line. Plot – Ebenezer Scrooge is a mean penny-pinching elder, but the inimitable and hilarious Muppets are preparing a very special Christmas for him. I'm really cooking! Miss Piggy: Do you prefer Shakespeare to Bacon? Kermit: That's a cheap joke. The Muppets The Muppet Show Beaker Muppets Das Tier Muppets Mejores Series Tv Top 20 Funniest Funny Quotes Funny Memes Laugh Quotes buymelaughs.com - This website is for sale! Scooter: Hey, Boss? Votes: 4. Dom DeLuise: Little? That's much better. Wayne: ...I can't wait for the Connie Stevens spot! Animal: [dancing with a Female Whatnot] One, two, three, dip! The Muppet Show Quotes / Memes. Miss Piggy: No. In fact I'd go as far as to say that you are the Robert Redford of frogs. After my mother saw me, she went to the hospital. I'm a student of Shakespeare. [the cast of Sesame Street is crowding behind Waldorf and Statler's box seat]. Kermit the Frog: To introduce our guest star, that's what I'm here to do. This wallpaper has been tagged with the following keywords: beaker, muppet, quotes, show, 1920x1200, 18203. Anyhow, take care of yourselves and we'll see you next time on "The Muppet Show". Prunella and her Prancing Poultry. Peter Sellers: I couldn't remember what she looked like. [Kermit screams Fozzie off the stage]. Big Bird: A singing pig? [suddenly, they see a chicken chase after the Swedish Chef with a cleaver], [Ethel hits Animal over the head with fist]. He was under the sheet just a second ago. As the series' popularity rose, many celebrities were eager to perform with the Muppets on television and in film. Statler: You know, I never liked their theme music.